I’m getting nervous now that it’s getting closer and closer to my launch date.  I’ll be working on a ‘pre’ launch mini show this week or next week so that I can get that up on my website and start getting myself listed in some of the podcast directories.  YIKES!

It makes me nervous just thinking that I’m really doing this, I’m really going to be hosting my own internet radio show and podcast!  Talk about stepping outside my comfort zone, outside the box! 

I feel totally comfortable being on internet radio shows/podcasts but my own show is a whole new ballgame…LOL!  After a few shows I’m sure I’ll get in a groove and things will just start falling into place.  It’s just going to be getting over the initial ‘hurdles’ of feeling awkward at first

I’m excited about it and definitely looking forward to it though.  My biggest fear is that noone will listen to me…LOL!  But then again if that happens it won’t be the first time I’ve talked to myself

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I remember thinking (when I was younger) that when I got older I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again because the older ya get the wiser ya get right?  At least that’s what my mentality of thinking was!

Not so!  It seems I continue to make the same mistakes over and over - no matter what area of my life - and quite frankly I’m fed up with it.  A friend once told me to stop complaining and do something.  She said nothing will change until you choose to change something.

Well I’m about to change EVERYTHING!  Tomorrow is my first day at Curves for Women so I’m going to be working on changing my health (and along with that comes a physical change - hip hip hooray, I’m tired of being FAT).  I’m working on changing my work schedule (I mean hello I own my own business so why am I up at 3 or 4am working???? Not gonna happen anymore!).  I’m working on my emotional well being also.  I have such a low self-esteem and image of myself it isn’t funny. 

I’m 31, this is supposed to be the best years of my life (although I have to disagree with any person that thinks getting older is better…LOL), but I feel like I’m so much older.  I’m about to embark on a journey that I can’t wait to see where it leads me - I’m embarking on a self-discovery ride.  Which also scares the heck out of me! 

You would think that after 31 years of being….well me that I would know who I am.  But I came to the realization that I don’t.  I’ve always been the ‘me’ that everyone else has always wanted me to be - always doing what others wanted, always having to be the people pleaser, always worrying about what others thought of me.  Now it’s time for me to find the true me and emerge from my shell. 

It’s also a time of letting go of some relationships as hard as that is.  Noone ever wants to let go of relationships but sometimes it’s just what has to happen - it’ll be better in the long run. 

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Things have been pretty rough with the school this past week.  Caleb has visited the RTC room every day and one day went for something that I didn’t think he deserved to go for but that’s besides the point. 

Today was his first day on the ADHD patch (Daytrana).  Just when I was really considering pulling him from the public school system I get the phone call I’ve been waiting for all year long!  Caleb’s teacher called today and we spent quite awhile on the phone discussing Caleb, his personality, his behavior, etc.  She said she felt that it was really important that she call me today to tell me how wonderful of a day he had!  She said he was involved in the class for the first time all year.  She said he sat and focused, was concentrating and participating.  She said that several other teachers even commented on how great of a day he had today! 

It was really nice hearing all those things and being able to share with her my concerns.  Things are going to change and things are finally starting to look up

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Caleb had his doctor’s appointment last Thursday.  It went so/so.  The doctor gave me some information about this fairly new patch that they have come out with.  The patch will be worn on Caleb’s hip for 9 hours a day (basically the whole time he is up & in school) but the medicine will be in his system for 12 hours (sigh). 

I’m really hoping that this new form of medication will help my son without all the nasty side effects of the past medicines!  He isn’t able to start the patch until Wednesday because the pharmacist had to special order it because they don’t have enough of a demand for them to keep it in stock. 

After a month the doctor wants to see Caleb and I back to evalueate his progress and see how things I’m going.  Maybe this time around will be the answer we’ve been waiting for!  It breaks my heart putting him back on medicine but I know he needs it!

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with my son!  As much as I hated to do it I had to make an appointment with the doctor that prescribed ADHD/ADD medicine for Caleb in the past (sigh).  I know that it’s going to be best for him in the long run but it’s so frustrating for me as a parent!

Ever single medication he has been on so far (Concerta, Ritalin, and Straterra) no matter what dosage he was given did the same exact thing - they all caused him to act like a zombie.  The medicine zoned him out so much that he wasn’t himself anymore - he was lethargic, quiet, emotional, moody, didn’t want to eat, and wanted to sleep a lot. 

It still amazes me that the school says he did so well last year.  Noone at the school noticed the things that myself, his dad and others noticed (the zombie like state).  Either they were just blind to it or didn’t want to admit to me (for fear of him being taken off medicine and him going back to being disruptive, hyper, etc) that they did see it also.  I don’t know & never will. 

But once again I almost feel like the school is winning in the ‘battle’ of wanting my son medicated.  It’s what they wanted & now they are getting it (sigh).  Now that I’ve seen my son a few times in the classroom (plus at home during homework time) and realize that he desperately does need something to help him calm down and focus it frustrates me that it has to be medicine. 

Well it’s time to get ready to go pick Caleb up and head off to the doctor (sigh).

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