3 Steps Forward, 100 Steps Backwards
Jul 22
I felt like I was doing pretty good lately. I finally felt like things were going in the right direction. I’ve been going to my counseling appointments, talking about everything, sorting my life out. I felt like I was taking steps forward instead of backwards. Now I think I was just knocked back 100 steps. Just when my boat was going along smoothly something happens to send it barreling down rocky rough waters again. I feel like I’m right back where I started. Sometimes life just sucks and right now is one of those moments.
I wish I could write about it, get it out but I can’t because the pain is too fresh, I’m confused & hurt and I don’t feel it’s fair to those involved in the situation to write about it. That’s the first time I’ve ever said that…since when do I ever hold anything back on my blog? I always talk about everything going on in my life.
I can say that yesterday was a rough day. Actually rough doesn’t even begin to cover it. A day from hell sums it up pretty good. But I think back on it and I can’t help but smile thinking about how amazing Caleb was. He knew mommy was upset (hmm maybe the gut wrenching sobs and the tears that wouldn’t end gave that away) and at one point he crawled up in bed with me, wrapped his arms around me and kept telling me how much he loved me. He patted my back, hugged me, kissed my cheek and wiped tears. It reminded me that I have the most precious little man relying on me, needing me to be ok, needing me to get a grip.
I wish I could say that I got out of bed at that moment and put one foot in front of the other but I didn’t. I needed the time to just be alone, away from the online world. I needed to let the tears fall. I needed to try to sort my feelings/thoughts out. I’d like to say that I’m doing better today but honestly I’m not. I thought I was done shedding tears but I’m not. I thought I’d have a better handle on the situation today but I don’t. And it sucks.
Tish
Hang in there sister! It will get better, one way or another. As the song goes.. when you’re going thru Hell, keep on walking!
Big hugs to you! Call me if you need anything or just to vent! : )
Tammy’s last blog post..On the road again..
Oh Tishia, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I also have been feeling sad lately. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Vera Raposo’s last blog post..Sharing Digital Memories
oh, Tishia, I have a feeling I know what it is & I’m so sorry. Life sucks sometimes. Been there. Sweetie, know you have lots of online friends who are supporting you.
What a sweetie Caleb was. It’s wonderful when our kids show us how much they really do love us & can actually be there for us occasionally.
When you get to the point when the hurt becomes just a dull depression, please go to my blog & check out my post on happiness here: http://cathyscreationsmakingitpersonal.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-to-be-happy.html
Like I said, I have been there & I have found a few tricks that help. But for now, you need to grieve & have a pity party
The story of my life! It’s times like these when a support system is your savior. I’ve got my mom, my brothers, my friends, my Twitter
, but in the end, it’s my two little babies that keep me going.
You’re so lucky to have Caleb. Even when your world is crumbling around you, you still want to make sure your baby is happy and healthy, and gets everything out of life that they deserve. At the same time, you need to take care of you. Taking care of yourself means you can better take care of your little one.
Don’t forget to do whatever it takes to get through this. You need it, you deserve it, and so does he. And don’t forget that we’re all rooting for you and you always have friends, even if you’ve never met any of us in person.
It’s ok to be sad, angry, depressed, to cry until your eyes are almost swollen shut. Just don’t let it keep you from getting where you want to be. Surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. Separate yourself from anything that hinders your happiness and initiates those backward steps.
Write down on paper everything you want and how you plan to achieve it. Keep a journal, blog about it, talk to friends, talk to you doctor, reach out to any one of the amazing ladies online that are wanting to help.
It’s all easier said than done of course, but making those little baby steps in the right direction will make you feel so much better. I’m taking those tiny little steps myself and even though I’d like to curl up and cry myself to death most hours of the day, once I make those steps, the feeling it gives me is amazing and empowering.
Wishing you the best! You’re not alone. You know where to reach me if you ever need to
Cassie’s last blog post..Thwirl versus TweetDeck
Things will work themselves out Tishia. It’s always darkest before the dawn. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Yolanda’s last blog post..How Many Bloggers Do You Know In Real Life?
Erin’s last blog post..Decisions, decisions…
(((HUGS))) Tishia. You so do not deserve this. I know everything happens for a reason, but still there is only so much one person can take. Just keep your chin up girlie and know we are all there for you. Vent away.. us girls have to stick together!
Jen @ One Moms World’s last blog post..A Man After My Own Heart
I’m sorry you’re in pain, Tishia.
casual friday everyday’s last blog post..Veins of Life