I Was About to Complain But Then Stopped - He’s Too Precious

Jul-29-2008 By Tish

PhotobucketJust when I wanted to whine and complain about Caleb crawling into my bed and stealing covers and hogging the bed this morning I had to stop myself. As I got out of bed and headed to the living room to get on the couch I stopped in my tracks and found myself standing and looking at him. I was reminded how blessed I am to be a mom and there was a tug at my heart, making me feel guilty for the minute I thought about whining and complaining. There’s nothing more precious than watching a child sleep. There’s just something so amazing and heart warming about watching my baby sleep.

My baby that will soon be 10. 10. How is that even possible? It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I was holding him in my arms leaving the hospital, embarking on the journey of motherhood. I find myself wondering if I’m ever going to get the chance to bring more children into this world but I also find myself wondering how we’ve made it this far, how I’ve made it this far. Even after almost 10 years of being a mother I still feel like I have no clue when it comes to parenting.

I find myself wondering about all the things that Caleb has missed out on by not having a mom & dad raise him together under the same roof. Sometimes I feel guilty that Caleb has been raised by only me. Sure his dad sees him every other weekend but it’s not the same. I find myself often feeling like I’ve failed him as a parent, that there is more I should be doing. I feel guilty that I can’t give him all the things he wants. I hate hearing him talk about his friends that have both their mom & dad in the house.

Sometimes I wonder what the future will be like. I don’t want him struggling through life like I have. I don’t want him stressing over money like I have. I don’t want him hopping from one relationship to the next like he sees his dad do. I wonder if he will use the values, morals and everything else I’ve taught him…or maybe I should say am trying to teach him because it’s an ongoing process.

But what I find myself wondering the most is when he becomes an adult will he know how much I love him, have loved him & will always love him? Will he understand that I couldn’t give him everything he wanted because I had a responsibility to keep a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food on the table. Or will he only remember the bad times? The times I’ve struggled to pay bills, provide food, etc? I want him growing up knowing that he’s always been the most important thing in my life and that I’m so blessed to be his mom.

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  1. Tsoniki Said,

    He’ll know. He’ll know because you are a really good mom. I was raised by a single Mom and even though my Dad was around all the time and I saw him a lot, I was around her 24/7. He’ll know. :)
    Tsoniki’s last blog post..Home Again

  2. Aurelia Said,

    Aww what a precious post and YES, he will know! Honey you seem to be an excellent mom and whatI love about your prenting style is that you don’t just let him have everything. Hey, life isnt like that. Caleb seems to be a great kid with lots of energy and I am sure he knows how much you love him and that will only grow with him as he ages.

    As you know, I have a 20yo, 17yo and an 8yo. Just today my 20yo called me from her home in FL to tell me that I am the best mom in the world. She thanked me for the tough love because the believes that is what is leading her to be a Jr. College student AND a mom of a 2.5month old. She said that she loves me so much :)

    I know its hard to envision Caleb in 20years but If you kepe up as you are now… Caleb will love you and have your back!!

    Rock on Tisha… BTW he is a CUTIE

  3. Tricia Said,

    I was raised by a single Dad and I turned out just fine. Girl you do an awesome job. Keep up the good work.

    Tricia’s last blog post..Honey! Can you Hang the Clock Up?

  4. Heather Said,

    I know what you mean, I often find myself thinking the same things about my kids. I am sure he will one day look back and be filled with gratitude for the things you have done for him, and he will respect you for it.

    Just keep loving him and doing what you are doing. You are doing great!

    Heather’s last blog post..My Fave Plugins: TDO Mini Forms

  5. Christine Said,

    We had a rough go of it when I was a kid: my dad died when I was four and mom never remarried. 11 of us kids.

    I remember the bad times, sure, but I also remember my mom’s unwaivering support and love. That’s what made it possible for us to endure the bad times.

    So keep balancing your child’s life for him. And let your love outweigh the strife. Sounds like it already is.

    Christine’s last blog post..Things I learned this week, and it’s only Tuesday

  6. Sharon Said,

    Tishia you have me tearing up. Gosh that love we have for our kids is powerful isn’t it? You’re not alone in worrying about his future. We all go through that. We all want our kids to be happier and more richly blessed than we are…but you know what? You already have everything he needs.

    We all know there are plenty of kids raised in two parent households that are not happy or loving environments and that can cause tremendous, lifelong harm. IMO the attention, love and special times that you set out to share with your son are all that he needs. That is a lovely picture of your son…and just look where he chose to go for the most comfort and security…his mom.

    Sharon’s last blog post..Book Review: Leisureville

  7. Jen @ One Moms World Said,

    What a good post Tishia. I stop in my tracks as well when I see my girls sleeping. It makes you think how much they have grown seeing them there laying. Why do they have to grow up so fast?

    Jen @ One Moms World’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday - New Little ?Cousin?

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