I’m sure it isn’t. In fact I’m sure there will be a million billion jazillion more thrown my way. But can’t life be done throwing them my way for a little while? Please (see I even said it nicely, doesn’t that earn me some brownie points with the man up stairs?)

Yes I know I’m a dork. Like I’ve said before - I’ll be the first to admit it.

But on a serious note, right now I don’t need anything else thrown my way. I have personal things going on within my family that I’m trying to deal with in a mature adult like way when all I want to do is sit down, throw a tempter tantrum, cry and yell at the world that it’s not fair that my grandparents are getting older and their health is failing. I know we all deal with ‘older’ family members and I know it’s a part of the aging process but I don’t know how to handle my grandma that can’t remember anything and repeats herself over and over upteen times, it’s so sad and it breaks my heart. I don’t know how to handle looking at my grandpa and seeing how bad his hands shake when I’ve always known him to have steady enough hands to change my oil or fix my brakes or other car issues or hold a coffee cup steadily and with ease. I don’t know how to handle my other grandma that just got news that she’s a walking time bomb and could have a stroke any minute because of clogged arteries (over 85% clogged) in her neck that the first surgery didn’t fix and she isn’t strong enough to handle a second surgery. All that has me in a big emotional mess. I’ve always been so close to my grandparents and the thought of losing them just totally freaks me out!

Then comes my life issues that have nothing to do with family. The stupid rent situation has my undies in a bunch every month because it’s really hard getting used to paying the amount I pay now when it was so much less before that. That dumb lemon hit me hard and I certainly wasn’t expecting it and it’s made things super tight financially! So imagine my surprise when another lemon gets thrown at me. And actually why am I surprised I mean when it rains it pours right????

I find out that my car needs some damage control done to it because it wasn’t just a flat tire issue. The flat tire was caused by a broken spring and broken strut which slashed a nice big gash in the tire. Nothing like having an emotional breakdown in the middle of Wal-Mart’s Tire Lube Express with 4 guys standing around ya (there were 4 guys looking at my car because they couldn’t believe how bad it was broke! Well gee I’m so glad that my unfortunate situation can impress 4 men that they all stand around looking at it talking about how bad it’s broken). Yeah that wasn’t one of my finest moments but what can I say? I am a crier (sp?) and sometimes it doesn’t take much to make me cry. (side note- I’m pretty sure all of you reading this know me well enough to know that I often cry easily…lol).

When they took the tire off to see what was causing it to lose air so fast what they saw wasn’t pretty. They actually came in, handed me a pair of safety glasses, made Caleb sit in the little waiting room & took me out where they work on the cars to show me how bad it really was. I may not be a mechanic but even this redneck small town girl with common sense (yes I do have that…well at least once in awhile) knows that when you see a couple thing-em-boppies hanging down, bent, and all rusted where your tire should be knows it’s not a good thing. No no no, definitely not a good thing.

So I went through the oh pity me phase where I had a pity party for myself. I cried. I vented (it wasn’t on the phone like I wish I could of done considering my man is a gazillion miles away in the middle of a war and all I really wanted was to talk to him so I did the next best thing, I emailed him which actually made me feel better. It did me good to get it all out…poor Seth when he reads it. Not that it’s bad or anything but it’s just a big ole book!).

It doesn’t do me any good to feel sorry for myself, cry about it, be frustrated, etc because none of that is solving the problem. Keeping a positive attitude is way more effective than being down in the dumps. And besides, I’m a fighter. I’m a survivor. I’ve been through way worse things than a broken down car. And if I survived some of the things I’ve been through and have come out on top then guess what? I’ll survive something as simple as this too.

I’m a fighter and I’m not about to give up and let life get me down.

Especially because there WILL be….

• a day when a lemon gets thrown at me and the money will be there to take care of it
• a day when I don’t have to worry about making ends meet because my income will surpass the bills that need to be paid & I’ll actually have a nice savings account built up
• a day when I don’t have to continually tell my son no when he wants to go do something that requires money
• a day when I have the luxury of going to get my hair done when it needs it
• a day that if a friend calls to go out to lunch I can just go and not have to say sorry can’t afford it
• a day that I’m driving a reliable car with less than 100,000 miles on it & it doesn’t give me a shower every time it rains because the driver door leaks
• a day that everything finally just all falls into place and makes sense and works out

Until that day I’m gonna keep fighting to keep my head above water because that’s what I do, I fight to stay on top. I fight to show my son that where there’s a will there’s a way. I’m not about to give up now regardless of how hard things seem.

So I guess if life isn’t going to stop throwing all these lemons at me, I’ll just have to keep making that lemonade. Anyone want some? I’ve got an over abundance of it

My theme song is gonna be Survivor by Destiny’s Child. Well actually just the chorus of the song seems how the rest of the song talks about being better now that you have a person out of your life. Here’s the chorus:

I’m a survivor (what),
I’m not gonna give up (what),
I’m not gon’ stop (what),
I’m gonna work harder (what),
I’m a survivor (what),
I’m gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin’ (what),
I’m a survivor (what),
I’m not gonna give up (what),
I’m not gon’ stop (what),
I’m gonna work harder (what),
I’m a survivor (what),
I’m gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin’ (what)

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