Moms Morning Show & Forgiveness

Wow it was deep on Moms Morning Show today! This week’s theme is Bitterness & Boundaries: Making & Breaking Relationships in Life & Business. I’ve never been anything but an open book, for the most part anyways. There are things of my past that I don’t make ‘public’ knowledge but on the show this morning my story fit right into the conversation so I made it public knowledge.

Some of you may already know the situation of when Caleb’s dad and I split up way back when (it’s been a long time now!) and what his girlfriend at the time did to me. Some of you may not know and others of you may of just heard about it for the first time on the show today.

The Story Goes…

When Caleb’s dad and I split up and moved out of the house he brought the 17 year old girl he was seeing into the house. Not only was hurt, upset and devastated that my family was splitting up, that I was losing the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with but I now had this immature little highschool girl to deal with. It wasn’t pretty to say the least.

Caleb’s dad used to race stock cars at a local race track where we lived and I was there one Saturday night with my boyfriend at the time and I was talking to Caleb’s dad’s family. I stayed friends with all the family because after being with someone so long it’s hard to let the relationships you built with their family go. Anyways, I was talking to them and everyone always hung out in the pits afterwards so Bruce (the boyfriend at that time) and I headed over there too. I don’t even remember how everything came about but we all ended up being over by Caleb’s dad’s stock car chitting and chatting having a good time and then Amanda and I are standing face to face & she is poking her finger in my face and I’m pushing her hand away from me. The next thing I know she’s raising her hand that has her glass alcohol bottle in it and hitting me in the face. As I’m turning away she’s smashing it in the back of my head now as I fall to the ground, blood running down my face. Bruce had left to go to the bathroom and someone went and got him so he could take me to the hospital emergency room.

What hurt me more than anything that night was the fact that Caleb’s dad, the man I had spent so many years loving and devoting my life and my time to, the man I was going to raise a family with and grow old with, the man I trusted, the man I loved, the man I valued, the man I respected, the man I had given so many areas of my heart and life to, stood by and let her do it! He didn’t step forward and stop her. He stood there watching. He finally grabbed her off me when I fell to the ground.

As I shared on the show today I couldn’t explain how I was feeling in that moment. But all the feelings began coming back – betrayed, rejected, unloved, unworthy, unsafe, just to name a few. After all these years the feelings came back as if it were only yesterday. Have I forgiven? Yes! Does that mean I’ve forgotten? No! Will I ever forget? No and considering I have a nice scar above my right eyebrow and a tender spot, still to this day, on the back of my head I won’t ever forget because those physical things are a daily reminder of what she did to me and what he stood and watched happen. And if him standing there allowing her to do that to me wasn’t bad enough, when he approached me about not pressing charges against her because he didn’t want her to go to jail that was like a bunch in the gut!

Like Kelly said sometimes you have to forgive someone more than once and that was made apparent this morning when everything came rushing back to me. It’s funny that you think you’ve dealt with something, forgiven someone and moved on but then the emotions come back and the situation seems so ‘real’ again.

Wow! what a deep show today and for the rest of the week it’s going to be like this because we will carry the theme through the rest of the week.