I didn’t sleep last night. Nothing new you are probably thinking considering my track record with this sleep thing. But I’ve been doing really good about sticking to my new schedule and putting myself to bed at 11pm every night so I have finally started, after all these years, getting some sleep. Last night I had lots on my mind and I couldn’t just ‘flip the switch’ and turn my thoughts off no matter how hard I tried! I found myself still wide awake (staring at the ceiling, the wall or the neon light from my alarm clock depending on which way I was laying) at 2:16am.

I had Seth on my mind, nothing unusual right? It’s been almost 2 weeks with no communication and I know I’ll hear from him as soon as he is able. This is the longest we’ve went without communicating and I’m adjusting to it. I know this is how things have to be and how things will be. And actually I’m doing really good, or I was until last night when I laid there wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he was safe, if he was getting any rest and a gazillion other things.

Anyways the whole point of this post is really nothing other than the fact that I’m tired, I’m feeling under the weather once again (what the heck is up with being sick so frequently????), and I really miss Seth. You’d laugh at me if you saw how much of a crazy woman I am when I hear the ding of Google chat or when I see the little yahoo messenger thing on the bottom of my screen showing that someone else is signing in. My heart races a little faster, I get butterflies in my stomach and then everything goes crashing back to normal as soon as I realize it’s not him messaging me through Google chat (and why would I think it would be now that we’ve ‘upgraded’ our conversations to yahoo messenger…LOL) or that it wasn’t him signing into yahoo.

This morning I spent about 20 minutes going back through some of our emails (yes I save all this stuff!) and just re-read everything. It would take me quite awhile to go through all of them so I only allowed myself a short period of time or else I’d get caught up in that and not focus for the day. Those 20 minutes did me wonders. I smiled, laughed and cried as I sat reading these emails. And I had to read the poem he wrote me too because that always makes me smile! And now I sit here smiling as I type this as the words he always says to me run through my head, “I’ll be ok don’t worry”.