How Am I Going To Get Through This?
Jun 09
It wasn’t that long ago that I was talking about how both my son and I were going to be spreading our wings. I guess back when I wrote that post the date – moving date of when my kiddo is moving into his dad & step mom’s house – was still up in the air so I was a little less emotional about things. I mean of course I was/am emotional but back then I was actually excited about the things that this new part-time parenting was going to mean. Like the freedom to focus on myself and do things I wanted to do.
Well, now that the moving date is here. Literally here – at 7:30pm Saturday night I’ll be dropping my son off and my life as a 24/7 parent will be over. I’ll then become a part time 4 days a month parent. 4 days. 4 freaking days! How on earth am I supposed to do this???
I’m an emotional mess right now. The last couple nights putting him to bed (he’d probably shoot me if he knew I was publicly telling that at 12 he still likes mom to tuck him, say goodnight prayers and just sit with him for a few minutes) have been pure torture on me. Every night I know it’s one night closer to the last time I’ll do it on a regular basis.
Tonight he went outside to play and I burst into tears, again realizing that soon I won’t be able to get annoyed with the running in and out because he won’t be here to do it anymore. Rinsing his dinner bowl out made tears well up in my eyes. Looking at the pigsty of a bedroom made tears well up in my eyes because soon I’ll be wishing he was here to dirty his room so I could nag at him to pick it up.
It’s just too soon. I thought I was ready to let him go. I thought I was being this wonderful mother by pushing my feelings aside and letting him make this decision (did you know that at 12 a judge will let the child make the decision to move in with the other parent as long as the other parent isn’t putting that child in danger in any way!). I thought I was ok with this. I thought I was going to be able to handle it a little bit better.
But now…
Well now I’m not so sure.
How am I going to get through this? The ‘baby’ (he’ll be 13 in September & I’ve been raising him as a single mom since six days before his first birthday) that once relied on me so much, that needed me so much, that couldn’t stand to be away from me for more than 24 hours is suddenly leaving.
So will someone please tell me just how the he** I’m supposed to get through this please!
You are going to take it one day at a time. And I think you will be pleasantly surprised that your relationship with him is going to totally change for the better. I imagine it’s really tough on you but you’ll get through it.
You both will be just fine!
Angie´s last [type] ..Better Healthy Living Challenge Check In 1
I thought I would check back in to see how you were doing. I was thinking about you as I prayed last night and Really felt for you because the changes and emotions must be so overwhelming.
Big deep breath. You know what – you have done your work. You are still his mom. Hug him like you mean it, let go after he gasps for breath!
Thank you Angie. It will be rough but in my heart (and head) I know this is best for the both of us. We’ve had a pretty strained relationship (guess strained is the word I’m thinking of?) so I think we both need the break from one another. It’s time for him to be with his dad and venture out away from “mommy”. It’s time for me to focus on me and getting healthy and taking back life and learning to live instead of letting life slip past me.
Hi Munchberry. Thank you for checking back in. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t an emotional wreck. I am. But I’m just taking this one minute at a time – it’s all I can do right now.