Tishia Lee

I was so excited to be able to have a couple days of IM conversations with Seth. I wish it could of been longer because I really need him right now but he’s supporting me and helping me through everything even way over there and that’s a huge thing to me. It’s important to know that even though he’s in the midst of the war and worrying about himself and the soldiers he is in charge of that he still is here to support me and help me. He’s given out some tough ‘love’ so to say and although I know he’s right in the decisions that have been made I’m still mad at him. And the phrase I’m mad at you makes me giggle because of a lengthy conversation we had the other night and I don’t expect it to make sense to you. LOL And Seth if you read this, I’m still mad at you

He wrote me another poem and in case you missed the first one you can check it out here. I guess I should probably ask him if it bothers him that I post this stuff. I hope it doesn’t because it’s just too hard not to share when he does something so sweet. I said it the last time he wrote me a poem and I’ll say it again - I’ve never had a man doing anything like this (or even remotely close to something like it) so it just blows my mind that he does it for me. So here it is.

The clouds slowly move
Unblocking my vision
Of the full, blue moon
Allowing me to see the stars
That I continue to wish upon

I hope tonight you are safe and sound
I hope that you’re able to find the sleep
That you so desperately deserve

I often wonder, if at times
You forget someone over here
Misses you and keeps you in their prayers

I wish there was some way
To hold you in my arms
That I could look into your eyes
And let your worries disappear

There isn’t much I can do for you
Being way over here
Not much I can change

I sometimes lose sleep over thoughts of you
The blankets that once surrounded me
In their warmth
Are now in a mess on the floor
I wish you were here to take their place

I look up towards the sky
And let the wind take my words
Through the miles

It makes me all teary eyed just reading it again. And of course when my man has a way with words like he does, it definitely makes it hard to stay mad at him LOL

Ok I’m a total D-O-R-K dork! I mean a bonafied (I did a Google search on this word & it led me to Urban Dictionary and of the 3 definitions I had to go with the 1st one - like none other, not copied - because the other 2 certainly weren’t what I was looking for but they gave me a good laugh) full fledge dork. But I’m ok with that, at least I admit it openly right? Are you curious yet about what the title has to do with the above reference to me being a dork?

This is how anxious, excited, nervous and eagerly awaiting the day I get a phone call from Seth…

My phone rang this morning & on my caller id the word INTERNATIONAL came up. OMG my heart started racing (scratch that - I think it stopped beating for a second!), my palms were sweating and I couldn’t answer quick enough.

Nothing like crashing back down to reality with the word hello. Funny thing is I knew it wouldn’t be him, I know I won’t get a phone call anytime soon but it’s funny how one word turned me into a sweating, heart racing, hand shaking giggly girl. All that even though I KNEW it wouldn’t be him.

My dork moment?

Well it’s because of all I mentioned (heart racing…blah blah blah) but the biggest thing is because I was expecting a phone call from Kelly for some training she needed to give me on a project I’ll be doing for her. So I knew her call would be coming in but I still allowed myself to delusion when I saw that word International. (sorry Kelly hope this doesn’t sound like I wasn’t happy to talk to you…lol)

Yeah like I said, I really am a D-O-R-K dork! But thank God it wasn’t him. I mean I probably would of fainted or something dorkish like that. I’m afraid to think how I’ll turn into this little giggly girly girl when I finally do get that call. Oh man I don’t even want to think about that.

When that call from Iraq (if he gets a chance to call while over there) does come in…

My reaction is going to be a Kodak moment (good thing I don’t have a digital camera anymore!)…it will look something like this.

I didn’t sleep last night. Nothing new you are probably thinking considering my track record with this sleep thing. But I’ve been doing really good about sticking to my new schedule and putting myself to bed at 11pm every night so I have finally started, after all these years, getting some sleep. Last night I had lots on my mind and I couldn’t just ‘flip the switch’ and turn my thoughts off no matter how hard I tried! I found myself still wide awake (staring at the ceiling, the wall or the neon light from my alarm clock depending on which way I was laying) at 2:16am.

I had Seth on my mind, nothing unusual right? It’s been almost 2 weeks with no communication and I know I’ll hear from him as soon as he is able. This is the longest we’ve went without communicating and I’m adjusting to it. I know this is how things have to be and how things will be. And actually I’m doing really good, or I was until last night when I laid there wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he was safe, if he was getting any rest and a gazillion other things.

Anyways the whole point of this post is really nothing other than the fact that I’m tired, I’m feeling under the weather once again (what the heck is up with being sick so frequently????), and I really miss Seth. You’d laugh at me if you saw how much of a crazy woman I am when I hear the ding of Google chat or when I see the little yahoo messenger thing on the bottom of my screen showing that someone else is signing in. My heart races a little faster, I get butterflies in my stomach and then everything goes crashing back to normal as soon as I realize it’s not him messaging me through Google chat (and why would I think it would be now that we’ve ‘upgraded’ our conversations to yahoo messenger…LOL) or that it wasn’t him signing into yahoo.

This morning I spent about 20 minutes going back through some of our emails (yes I save all this stuff!) and just re-read everything. It would take me quite awhile to go through all of them so I only allowed myself a short period of time or else I’d get caught up in that and not focus for the day. Those 20 minutes did me wonders. I smiled, laughed and cried as I sat reading these emails. And I had to read the poem he wrote me too because that always makes me smile! And now I sit here smiling as I type this as the words he always says to me run through my head, “I’ll be ok don’t worry”.

Why is it that when I’m trying to not think about a certain someone that everywhere I turn there is something that makes me think of him. It’s not that I don’t want to think about him because believe me I think about him on a daily basis but what I’m trying to say is…why is it that when I’m trying to keep my mind off him and occupy myself with other things to think about do I end up thinking about him even more because of everything reminding me of him? (did that make any sense?)

The past couple days I’ve been trying to keep myself busy and occupy my thoughts but everywhere I turned there was something reminding me of him. I went to Wal-Mart with my mom yesterday and she asked if I had heard from him yet which obviously didn’t help with the keeping my mind off things, and that’s not a new question - she’s asks me it on a daily basis.

This morning I was catching up on some of my TV shows that I had recorded on my DVR that I haven’t had time to watch yet. I turn Grey’s Anatomy on only to find part of the show about a soldier and then another soldier comes to visit him in his Army uniform and of course that made me start thinking about him. Just a few minutes ago I was reading a blog and they mentioned Iraq and soldiers.

So now I’m sitting here missing Seth more than I already have been. It’s been a little while since the last communication I had from him and I’m just missing him. I don’t need any help in thinking about him but for whatever reason the past couple days there has been something everywhere I turn to make me miss him even more. And every day I wonder if it will be the day I hear from him…I can’t wait till I hear from him again The times that we go in between no communication has made me really appreciate the times we do get to communicate even more. I appreciate a simple little email or instant message from him so much more than in the beginning when we used to communicate frequently.

Ok ladies he has answered the burning question that inquiring minds have been wanting to know!

Not only did this turn into a blog post because it was a reader question, it also got brought up on Twitter late last night. Tams twittered to Seth wanting to know if he read it. It’s kind of funny that it turned into so many people wanting to know whether he reads my blog or not.

Anywho….

I didn’t get to ‘talk’ to him this morning when he was online which of course made me sad when I did get online to find that I missed him. But I had to laugh when I read my instant messages he left for me because he made sure to answer the burning question.

The Question:

Does your man read your blog?

His response?

Yes I read it from time to time when I have time to get online

Ok ladies, there you have it. The mystery has been solved and we can all rest easy now that we know he does read it from time to time. Hmmmm is that a good thing or a bad thing?