Yesterday’s WW post Dear Grandma was pictures of our first visit to my grandma in her new place – the nursing home she now stays in. It was hard. I held the tears in and enjoyed the time she remembered me and didn’t let my sadness show when she looked at me with confusion in her eyes. I love her so much and I can’t even begin to put into words how painful it is to see her living like this. It’s one of the deepest pains I’ve ever felt.

I made a visit to my grandma and grandpa’s house shortly after leaving the nursing facility and it was there I fell apart. I tried to hold the tears in but it didn’t work as I looked around and realized that my grandma won’t be coming back to what was once their home. Now finding only my grandpa’s things in the bathroom and no ‘signs’ of my grandma throughout the house. What I’ve always known as their home has now become his home.

And the title of the WW post yesterday was there for a reason…

Dear Grandma,

You probably don’t remember visiting with me just a few days ago but I do.

I’ll never forget the smile on your face or the sparkle in your eyes when we walked in and for a few minutes you recognized us.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t remember it just matters that I do, that I have these memories to carry with me.

I Remember…

I remember your smile
the way you lit up the room when we walked in

I remember your hug
the way you hugged me so tight but yet so weak

I remember your smell
the way your hair smelt as it brushed against my cheek

I remember your laugh
as you told me how your roommate was a horses a**

I remember your hands
the way they held mine and warmed me even though they were so cold

I remember your lips
and how sweet your kiss against my cheek was

I remember your breath
as I watched you sleeping on your bed

but most of all I remember your love even if you don’t

I love you so much grandma and I only hope that somewhere deep down in all that confusion that there’s a part of you that knows that and still remembers that.

P.S.You can participate in the Tell Me Thursday meme as well. It’s a great way to let your readers know all about your Wordless Wednesday pictures! You’ll find all the details over at Tell Me Thursday.